Musings

saw a fruit seller. his dejected face depresses me.i contemplate the sadness and mundaneness in his life. how different his circuits must be.or does he also have a yearning for new adventures and excitement? is he bound by the daily drudgery? has he got no out and no options? this is worse than death. i would choose death 100 out of 100 times rather than doing this. perhaps he enjoys the interactions. the exchanging of pleasantries, the haggling over prices, occassionally fleecing the customers, the money he makes. all of it might make it worthwhile for him.perhaps he is not so unhappy. maybe his circuits have rewired. maybe he has overriden the hardwiring. maybe he has made peace with whatever life has to offer him. i can never make this peace. but why? the regular excuse of it is just the way i am built. perhaps the emptiness, lack of meaningful relationships do not trigger my pleasure circuits. i need other things to activate my circuits.

maybe he grins at the stupidity of the customer when he fleeces them. his lips parting into a smug smile after the customer's departure. judging others must give him a sense of satisfaction. the small pleasures of life are so easy to find. yet we condemn it because they come at the expense of someone else. sadly no law can be enacted to forbid enjoying oneself at the expense of others.only societal pressure can deter one. but societal pressure does not apply to me. i grin at my discovery. i can continue to enjoy by being judgemental.

how much of our life is on autopilot mode? a lot. life is shitty. people are horrible.